People ask me what living under the sea is like. You’d think it would get old or boring, but it’s really no different than living on the land, except it’s like 5 million times better!
Why is that? I’m glad you asked. You see, you’ve got vastly more space, it’s not really loud, especially if you stay deep, and you’re weightless all the time. Plus, there are some cool peeps down here. I mean Like really cool – I can hang with anglerfish, who are hilarious bee tee dubs, or a blue whale, man are those guys supportive.
I will NOT hang with any porpoises. Dolphins and killer whales – they are dicks with a capital ASSHOLE in the middle. They just love saying they’re the smartest ones on the planet. Fucking morons. Everyone knows that’s the seahorses, but because they’re not braggadocious no one seems to really know. Porpoises are basically the jocks of the sea.
But, they have to breathe water, so I can stay down low and avoid the assholes all I like. And trust me, I do. Please, take all of them and make bigger Sea Worlds with more ostentatious shows featuring their brilliant intelligence. Like you’re going to have a dolphin finish the New York Times Sunday crossword. Smartest on the planet, my amphibious ass. So yeah, take them. Maybe leave a few for sharks to eat, I like watching that.
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